Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
