My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
