dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
