I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
