Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
is that a dick in a sweater?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
