I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
