peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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