i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
