take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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