I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize