I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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