literally had 100 drinks last night.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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