Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
