And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
