you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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