Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
