who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
