One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
