you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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