I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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