Apparently you make a good broom.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize