some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
