I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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