have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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