tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
