Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
