the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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