I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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