I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
