My balls are so social today.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
