end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
