a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
