I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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