God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We have started to decorate penises.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
