my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
