he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize