you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
