i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
