Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
3 2 1 whiskey
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
