I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can text with my tongue
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
