Who wears a wallet chain?!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
