So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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