Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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