Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize