what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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