She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize