If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
