did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Apparently you make a good broom.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
