so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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