I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize