So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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