he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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