i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
