My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
