Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
