So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
