omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
