shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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