Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
