i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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