i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
