he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
