OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
