sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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