Soap is not a condiment
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
