Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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