Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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