now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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