I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
