My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
