I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
its not stalking. its research.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize