Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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